HR's Recession Proof Strategy

Dear STAFF,

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented
to raise the efficiency of our firm.

1) TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we
assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a
raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :

Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).

- They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK:

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so
that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) SURGERY :

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

6) INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be
deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you
any, charges

will be deducted from your salary.

- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have
10MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary
for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3
months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed
somewhere else.

Best Regards,
HRD